Sunday, May 31, 2009

What used to be

I tend to look back on a lot of memories. Memories with friends that used to be. How much fun I used to have with them, the amazing ambitions we all had for the future that never seemed to have come true, the long five hour hang out sessions we used to have over the summer or after school.

I tend to look back and think: What Happened?

Friends seem to disappear left and right, turning one way as I continue down the same street until finally I just give up and follow down a new road. What happened to the dreams we used to talk about, promising each other that it’ll all come true. What happened to telling each other everything one day and the next day act like we’re complete strangers, saying an awkward ‘Hi’ every once and a while. What happened to the amazing friendship we all used to have?

I guess it’s just another cruel fact of life. Moving on and growing up also means gaining and losing. I hate to lose something that I used to consider so dear to me. I miss my old friends, my used to be friends. I almost hate thinking about the memories with them, it makes me uncomfortable, unwilling to accept that what used to be isn’t here anymore.

But I suppose it’s always going to be like this. I’m going to lose another friend in the future, no matter how hard I try not to lose the connection, I will. I guess I can just look forward to all the new friends I’ll gain, all the new friends I have gained after losing others.


  1. You're right. This is just the way life is. You are very perceptive to have figured this out so early in your life. Your post reminded me of a quote a copied out of book I read recently. It struck me because the same thing has happened to me (and to everyone). Here it is:

    People move away, drift away, drop by the way... I know these near-friends come and go in everyone's lives, it's a ruthless necessity occasioned by circumstance, taste, chance, apathy - and yet it makes me sad. (Patricia Gaffney in The Saving Graces.

    I hope it helps to know that you are not alone.

  2. Ah, Pam. What a perfect comment to this post. The quote literally echoes her thoughts. Yes, Seph, that happens...Just'll always...always....always.....always.......alwaaaaaayyyysssss....have your sister.

  3. I know exactly how you feel because I've been noticing the exact same thing. I work so hard to be a good friend but others drop the relationship. It used to upset me a lot. Now I'm just getting used to the fact that relationships, any sorts of relationships take two. I still cry because it hurts, but I don't cry out of anger or confusion anymore. The ones that stick around are the ones you want anyway. :)

    Shawna's Study Abroad