I own a myspace and every now and then a person puts out a blog stating how their boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with them and how crushed they are, how broken hearted they feel, ya da ya da ya da. When I read [more like skimmed with disgust] I found myself thinking that all of it was just an act. They were begging for attention from their peers and asking for sympathy. I didn’t exactly hold a good opinion on these types of people, I guess that’s because I never was put in a position to feel that way. That is, until recently.
I was dating this boy for roughly four months and what seemed to be a hitting off relationship turned it’s course and headed for the worst. The two weeks this process hit was one of the worst times in my life [grant other miserable things were going on as well, but this blog isn’t about that.]
I guess to kind of explain how I’m feeling I have to give a bit of background. When we first started to date I was very iffy about it, I still wasn’t exactly sure if I liked him in that way. But I gave it a shot and feelings started to brew inside. Pretty soon I was behind his back with every troublesome situation he was dealing with. I’m not even bragging when I say I went all out on that boy.
Thing is, he didn’t go all out on me. I didn’t exactly realize this until recently when he struck me with reality. He didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. He said it wasn’t me, he just had commitment issues. Okay, my reaction wasn’t pretty, but even if it was over I still had that thought in the back of my head, whispering that he would come back, that he still had feelings for me.
We were on the phone with each other, we were planning something, I really can’t remember. But we went on the subject about ‘us’. That’s when it hit me like a harsh, unsympathetic bomb. He didn’t have feelings for me anymore and hadn’t for sometime.
I suddenly realized what it was like to be one of those pathetic broken down girls. I can’t even look at the jacket he got me without feeling a stab of pain. It hurts so bad right now and it’s going to for a while. I wasn’t ready, but he was.
I can’t be mad at him for it. He’s still a person that I consider to be a good friend. It’s just, now that I know nothing is going to happen between us from now on, I wont be able to stand looking at him, talking to him, hearing about him…It’s going to be a while for me to control my feelings for him, maybe get rid of them [ Man, that would be nice]. When it does though, I’m going to work on my friendship with him.
He may be a horrible boyfriend, but he kicks ass as a friend.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Persephone needs..
Google your name followed by the word needs then list the results, if you wish to join in.
These are my results and responses:
1. Persephone needs a new drummer : Not exactly the literal term 'New Drummer'. Let's look into this deep and wise like. My drum beat is becoming a bit off tempo, I'm suddenly letting other people's emotions and dealings effect me, slowly pulling myself off course from my beat to other beats. The mix up doesn't sound too tight. I'm gonna need to set a few things straight with myself and go back to my smooth rhythmic course.
2. Persephone needs you : This sounds a bit familiar with the term Uncle Sam used "I need you..". Truth is, I do need you, not for war or whatever, but for the sake of my sanity. Think about it, don't we all need someone.
3. A Persephone woman needs a strong, loving man to support her through painful but necessary transformation : Okay, this sounds a bit cheesy pie. And as much as I would love to disagree and say that I can handle things on my own no matter what transformation the honest to God truth is simply not so. I do need someone, whether it be a strong, loving man or just a friend. I'm a person where I can easily find comfort crying over someones shoulder after a troublesome time. If I attempt to get past it on my own I'll probably wind up going insane. Somethings I can't get over by myself.
4. Persephone needs some tags : This, I'm happy to say, is something I could live without. I don't need a tag stuck to my shirt describing who I am. Drama Queen, Hippie, Geek, Artiest, etc. The only tag I'll be willing to wear is one that says : Persephone.
5. Persephone needs about 14- 16 days for production by a talented artiest : When I put 'Persephone needs' on the google engine and got this I was a bit hesitant to put it up in the blog, it was obvious to what it meant but I wasn't exactly sure how I was to put this little phrase into my life until I thought about this little scenario. I suppose everyone would love to look and act like the best thing since cheesecake. A lot of people would give a lot to fit a certain mold, I mean, look at how much plastic surgeons profit these days. Even in the personality trait, we go to other people's advice and take their opinions to change our inner beings. I suppose we all look up to that talented artiest, in hope that maybe they could form you into a better person. I know I was guilty in this, still am to an extent, but making yourself into a better art piece isn't depending on the artiest to do it for you. You, as in your own artiest, has to paint your being into exactly that, your being. It's going to be beautiful, talented or not.
6. Persephone needs a soapbox : Oh wow, I cannot stress enough to how much this is accurate. I cannot express to you on how much I just want to scream out my opinions about everything, anything, nothing. A soapbox would be very nice.
What do you need?
These are my results and responses:
1. Persephone needs a new drummer : Not exactly the literal term 'New Drummer'. Let's look into this deep and wise like. My drum beat is becoming a bit off tempo, I'm suddenly letting other people's emotions and dealings effect me, slowly pulling myself off course from my beat to other beats. The mix up doesn't sound too tight. I'm gonna need to set a few things straight with myself and go back to my smooth rhythmic course.
2. Persephone needs you : This sounds a bit familiar with the term Uncle Sam used "I need you..". Truth is, I do need you, not for war or whatever, but for the sake of my sanity. Think about it, don't we all need someone.
3. A Persephone woman needs a strong, loving man to support her through painful but necessary transformation : Okay, this sounds a bit cheesy pie. And as much as I would love to disagree and say that I can handle things on my own no matter what transformation the honest to God truth is simply not so. I do need someone, whether it be a strong, loving man or just a friend. I'm a person where I can easily find comfort crying over someones shoulder after a troublesome time. If I attempt to get past it on my own I'll probably wind up going insane. Somethings I can't get over by myself.
4. Persephone needs some tags : This, I'm happy to say, is something I could live without. I don't need a tag stuck to my shirt describing who I am. Drama Queen, Hippie, Geek, Artiest, etc. The only tag I'll be willing to wear is one that says : Persephone.
5. Persephone needs about 14- 16 days for production by a talented artiest : When I put 'Persephone needs' on the google engine and got this I was a bit hesitant to put it up in the blog, it was obvious to what it meant but I wasn't exactly sure how I was to put this little phrase into my life until I thought about this little scenario. I suppose everyone would love to look and act like the best thing since cheesecake. A lot of people would give a lot to fit a certain mold, I mean, look at how much plastic surgeons profit these days. Even in the personality trait, we go to other people's advice and take their opinions to change our inner beings. I suppose we all look up to that talented artiest, in hope that maybe they could form you into a better person. I know I was guilty in this, still am to an extent, but making yourself into a better art piece isn't depending on the artiest to do it for you. You, as in your own artiest, has to paint your being into exactly that, your being. It's going to be beautiful, talented or not.
6. Persephone needs a soapbox : Oh wow, I cannot stress enough to how much this is accurate. I cannot express to you on how much I just want to scream out my opinions about everything, anything, nothing. A soapbox would be very nice.
What do you need?
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Classifying you and I
You heard the saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover." But do we actually follow the saying?
It's easy to judge a single person based on the way the bring themselves in public eyes. If they wear dirty cloths to school or have unmanageable hair, the word "gross" seems to come into mind. It's pretty much human nature to judge a person by appearance. We seem classify a person like this as nasty, weird, strange, intolerable...you get my point.
I have been guilty of doing such things.
There was a girl, she rode my bus and I usually spotted her around the school grounds. Her hair was greased up, down, and matted. Clothing was somewhat out of date with fashion now a days and her features were not exactly appealing. My first impression, I'm embarrassed to say, wasn't exactly nice. I found myself disgusted that someone would show up in a public place in that manner.
My opinion on others, I'll admit, were not exactly the most accurate or nicest. How did I know she wasn't the coolest person in the world? Since I had that disgusting opinion on her I wouldn't even be able to find out if she was or not. People in general judge the cover of a book too frequently. I suppose that we all need to wake up and realize that life isn't about the cover but the text in between. I've just started to work on reading the book rather then setting it down just because of it's rugged looks.
Even though it takes a longer time to read then to look, trust me, the reward and the unexpected pleasure you receive after could make a difference in your life.
It's easy to judge a single person based on the way the bring themselves in public eyes. If they wear dirty cloths to school or have unmanageable hair, the word "gross" seems to come into mind. It's pretty much human nature to judge a person by appearance. We seem classify a person like this as nasty, weird, strange, intolerable...you get my point.
I have been guilty of doing such things.
There was a girl, she rode my bus and I usually spotted her around the school grounds. Her hair was greased up, down, and matted. Clothing was somewhat out of date with fashion now a days and her features were not exactly appealing. My first impression, I'm embarrassed to say, wasn't exactly nice. I found myself disgusted that someone would show up in a public place in that manner.
My opinion on others, I'll admit, were not exactly the most accurate or nicest. How did I know she wasn't the coolest person in the world? Since I had that disgusting opinion on her I wouldn't even be able to find out if she was or not. People in general judge the cover of a book too frequently. I suppose that we all need to wake up and realize that life isn't about the cover but the text in between. I've just started to work on reading the book rather then setting it down just because of it's rugged looks.
Even though it takes a longer time to read then to look, trust me, the reward and the unexpected pleasure you receive after could make a difference in your life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)